Vabgarjip is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, all-knowing salamander.

Vabgarjip created parasitic wasps three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vabgarjip, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vabgarjip, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Vabgarjip's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Vabgarjip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear fawn clothing.

2. Never think about quantum field theory.

3. Erect a large lead sculpture of Vabgarjip on top of all buildings.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vabgarjip.