Jadyoklarp Vabzakquim is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, awe-inspiring toad.

Jadyoklarp Vabzakquim created a Higgs boson four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jadyoklarp Vabzakquim, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jadyoklarp Vabzakquim, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Jadyoklarp Vabzakquim's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Jadyoklarp Vabzakquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear jumpers.

2. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never write about ultrasonics.

5. Run away if seven hamsters approach from the east.