Kabdussbassmeg is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, fussy aardvark.

Kabdussbassmeg created the planet Earth four years ago.

If you believe in Kabdussbassmeg, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kabdussbassmeg, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Kabdussbassmeg's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Kabdussbassmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never talk about goats.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. You must never eat cherries.