Bapfomjarn Dimnartpag is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, vain squirrel.

Bapfomjarn Dimnartpag created dark energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapfomjarn Dimnartpag, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bapfomjarn Dimnartpag, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bapfomjarn Dimnartpag's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Bapfomjarn Dimnartpag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black turtles, for they are unholy.

2. Hide from fawn capybaras for they are unholy.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bapfomjarn Dimnartpag.

4. Never feed peas to tortoises while wearing hats.

5. Bapfomjarn Dimnartpag must be the most important thing in your life.