Mapkenren is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, witty squirrel.

Mapkenren created a photon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Mapkenren, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Mapkenren, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Mapkenren's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Mapkenren's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat limes.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Always help sick seals.

5. Never wear tights.