Hitzencimkan is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, wise octopus.

Hitzencimkan created the Sun two million years ago.

If you believe in Hitzencimkan, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hitzencimkan, it will turn you into a puffin.

Hitzencimkan's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Hitzencimkan's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Hitzencimkan.

2. Do not kill geese.

3. Hitzencimkan must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Run away if eight sheep approach from the east.