Gomlapquat is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, stupid wyvern.

Gomlapquat created a top quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gomlapquat, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gomlapquat, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Gomlapquat's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Gomlapquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

2. Never think about special relativity near turtles while wearing magenta shoes and balancing eight gold spheres on your legs.

3. Never talk about electromagnetism near great tits while wearing orange hats.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not speak about limes.