Futhaptun is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, uncaring bear.

Futhaptun created the Cigar Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futhaptun, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Futhaptun, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Futhaptun's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Futhaptun's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from brown dolphins, for they are unholy.

2. Never run in the presence of monkeys.

3. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Futhaptun in the centre of the settlement.

4. Feed all hungry ducks.

5. Never talk about fire.