Fidhapboss is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, unsympathetic crab.

Fidhapboss created Mount Everest five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fidhapboss, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fidhapboss, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Fidhapboss' most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Fidhapboss' Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black tapirs, for they are unholy.

2. Always remove coats before entering holy places.

3. Never feed lots of coconuts to cats while wearing gray shirts.

4. Never prepare pineapples during spring.

5. Never adorn your head with brown markings.