Nartjatgutcapcim is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, weak hydra.

Nartjatgutcapcim created a top quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nartjatgutcapcim, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Nartjatgutcapcim, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Nartjatgutcapcim's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Nartjatgutcapcim's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never feed cherries to snakes while wearing brown tights.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.