Nakhundub is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, astonishing salamander.

Nakhundub created the Andromeda Galaxy two million years ago.

If you believe in Nakhundub, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Nakhundub, it will remove you from existence.

Nakhundub's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Nakhundub's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms green.

2. Run away from orange great tits, for they are unholy.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always help sick horses.

5. Always treat seals with great respect.