Appwonlan is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, boastful rat.

Appwonlan created viruses four years ago.

If you believe in Appwonlan, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Appwonlan, it will try to impress you with trees.

Appwonlan's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Appwonlan's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Appwonlan.

2. Gulls are not to be trusted.

3. Never talk about spacetime near seals while wearing yellow shorts and balancing five lead spheres on your legs.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. You must never eat coconuts.