Listtonkdam is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, fast duck.

Listtonkdam created a charm quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Listtonkdam, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Listtonkdam, she will turn you into a frog.

Listtonkdam's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Listtonkdam's Holy Commandments

1. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not take Listtonkdam's name in vain.

3. You must never eat turnips.

4. Hide if four eagles approach from the north.

5. Never think about quantum field theory near cats while wearing fawn stockings and balancing three lead spheres on your chest.