Hogbigfit is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, passionate elephant.

Hogbigfit created humanity two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hogbigfit, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hogbigfit, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Hogbigfit's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Hogbigfit's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near aardvarks while wearing turquoise shirts and balancing three platinum spheres on your feet.

2. Do not eat oranges.

3. Hogbigfit loves seals, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

5. Never think ill of sick doves.