Jamcumkapyikminquag is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, dishonourable manatee.

Jamcumkapyikminquag created the cosmos six million years ago.

If you believe in Jamcumkapyikminquag, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jamcumkapyikminquag, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Jamcumkapyikminquag's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Jamcumkapyikminquag's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Hide from blue doves for they are unholy.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never paint your chest red.

5. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.