Yatlitbif is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, uncaring grasshopper.

Yatlitbif created time and space nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yatlitbif, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yatlitbif, he will manifest in front of you.

Yatlitbif's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Yatlitbif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

3. Hide from yellow porpoises for they are unholy.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Never talk about gravity.