Nullwatwon is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, temperamental crow.

Nullwatwon created Africa nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nullwatwon, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nullwatwon, he will cry a lot.

Nullwatwon's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Nullwatwon's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never paint your feet orange.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not eat gooseberries.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.