Flatveenrat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, passionate whale.

Flatveenrat created a top quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatveenrat, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Flatveenrat, he will manifest in front of you.

Flatveenrat's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Flatveenrat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never paint your feet green.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always help ducks.