Dapmifxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, deceitful dolphin.

Dapmifxuck created dark energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Dapmifxuck, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dapmifxuck, he will turn you into a rock.

Dapmifxuck's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Dapmifxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Always help whales.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about snails.

4. Never think about photosynthesis.

5. Do not listen to music.