Talcussort is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, bad-tempered sheep.

Talcussort created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Talcussort, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Talcussort, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Talcussort's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Talcussort's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Talcussort loves otters, so they must be respected.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Worship no other gods but Talcussort.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.