Tamspaglabwab is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, omnipotent hydra.

Tamspaglabwab created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamspaglabwab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tamspaglabwab, she will boil you in a big pot.

Tamspaglabwab's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Tamspaglabwab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of aubergines to frogs while wearing red dresses.

2. Run away if four squirrels approach from the west.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never think ill of sick shrews.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near birds while wearing pink corsets and balancing eight iron spheres on your face.