Timtonklak is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, humorless deer.

Timtonklak created Asia three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timtonklak, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Timtonklak, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Timtonklak's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Timtonklak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Hide from green great tits for they are unholy.

4. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Timtonklak in the centre of the settlement.