Quartcabtap is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, unfair swan.

Quartcabtap created oxygen four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartcabtap, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quartcabtap, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Quartcabtap's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Quartcabtap's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Always obey Quartcabtap's priests.

3. You must pray to Quartcabtap three times a day.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.