Metmotarp is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, deceitful newt.

Metmotarp created the Sol system four million years ago.

If you believe in Metmotarp, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Metmotarp, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Metmotarp's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Metmotarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime near geese while wearing fawn hats and balancing three nickel spheres on your feet.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Metmotarp.

3. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always help snakes in need.

5. Do not commit murder.