Dogbadzigjan is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, selfish rhinoceros.

Dogbadzigjan created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Dogbadzigjan, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Dogbadzigjan, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Dogbadzigjan's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Dogbadzigjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Never talk about chlorophyll.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near gulls while wearing cyan tights and balancing four carbon spheres on your hands.

4. Do not eat wheat.

5. Never write about eukaryotes.