Loopxemxen is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, astonishing hyena.

Loopxemxen created the universe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopxemxen, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Loopxemxen, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Loopxemxen's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Loopxemxen's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three monkeys approach from the east.

2. Do not kill dogs.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never play with disobedient children.