Fembutyik is a god.

It takes the form of a small, emotional human.

Fembutyik created humankind nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fembutyik, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fembutyik, it will turn you into a mole.

Fembutyik's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Fembutyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

3. You must pray to Fembutyik nine times a day.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Fembutyik loves ducks, so they must be honoured.