Gonpitlib is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, two-faced narwhal.

Gonpitlib created Europe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonpitlib, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gonpitlib, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Gonpitlib's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Gonpitlib's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of figs to eagles while wearing blue trousers.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.