Lamkinfad is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, witty jackal.

Lamkinfad created time and space five billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamkinfad, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lamkinfad, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Lamkinfad's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Lamkinfad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt monkeys.

2. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Lamkinfad in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never mention sharks.

4. Lamkinfad must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.