Arfquatster is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, grumpy zebra.

Arfquatster created carbon four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arfquatster, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Arfquatster, he will refuse to believe in you.

Arfquatster's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Arfquatster's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear copper on your body.

2. Never write about photosynthesis.

3. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Arfquatster in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never paint your chest violet.

5. Run away if five squirrels approach from the south.