Tafvagkim is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, resourceful alligator.

Tafvagkim created a photon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafvagkim, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tafvagkim, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tafvagkim's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Tafvagkim's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from turquoise geese, for they are unholy.

2. Never sprint in the presence of foxes.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never chant in holy places.

5. Do not eat pineapples.