Mumcaptab is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, happy otter.

Mumcaptab created the planet Earth seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Mumcaptab, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Mumcaptab, he will think nothing of it.

Mumcaptab's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Mumcaptab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear magenta clothing.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Mumcaptab.

4. Hide from turquoise ants for they are unholy.

5. Never pour water over plants.