Vanbambon is a god.

She takes the form of a small, emotional donkey.

Vanbambon created carbon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vanbambon, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vanbambon, she will cry a lot.

Vanbambon's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Vanbambon's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from blue sharks, for they are unholy.

2. Always treat great tits with great respect.

3. Never eat nuts.

4. Vanbambon must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not chop down trees.