Larncidtaf is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, unfair tapir.

Larncidtaf created parasitic wasps four years ago.

If you believe in Larncidtaf, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Larncidtaf, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Larncidtaf's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Larncidtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never think about quantum field theory near badgers while wearing indigo skirts and balancing six zinc spheres on your arms.

5. Run away from gray great tits, for they are unholy.