Nilltitpark is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unthoughtful monkey.

Nilltitpark created energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilltitpark, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Nilltitpark, it will turn you into a mole.

Nilltitpark's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Nilltitpark's Holy Commandments

1. Always help dogs.

2. Never think about fluid mechanics near snails while wearing yellow hats and balancing three carbon spheres on your neck.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. You must never eat lemons.

5. Pray towards the north.