Fempankip is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, staggering gerbil.

Fempankip created life four billion years ago.

If you believe in Fempankip, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fempankip, it will turn you into a frog.

Fempankip's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Fempankip's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never feed wheat to dolphins while wearing shorts.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.