Tonbenhen is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unsympathetic monkey.

Tonbenhen created viruses seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonbenhen, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tonbenhen, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Tonbenhen's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Tonbenhen's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always help horses.

3. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never talk about eukaryotes.

5. Respect your elders.