Xemrowtim is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, all-powerful crow.

Xemrowtim created the planet Jupiter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemrowtim, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Xemrowtim, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Xemrowtim's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Xemrowtim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed corn to tortoises while wearing indigo hats.

2. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never think about quantum field theory.

5. Do not kill mites.