Tongadwad is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, smart hyena.

Tongadwad created everything that exists eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tongadwad, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tongadwad, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tongadwad's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Tongadwad's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate otters.

2. Never feed lots of oranges to dogs while wearing yellow dresses.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never jump in holy places.