Ladquambiss is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, narcissistic jellyfish.

Ladquambiss created the planet Earth three million years ago.

If you believe in Ladquambiss, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Ladquambiss, she will turn you into a goat.

Ladquambiss' most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Ladquambiss' Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Ladquambiss.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never mention tortoises.

4. Do not keep eight capybaras in a large pit.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.