Tikvenbossquim Bam is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, ill-tempered bat.

Tikvenbossquim Bam created a quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tikvenbossquim Bam, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Tikvenbossquim Bam, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Tikvenbossquim Bam's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Tikvenbossquim Bam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics near swans while wearing orange jumpers and balancing four aluminium spheres on your neck.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

4. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

5. Do not hurt seals.