Yarptamfenhin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, resourceful fairy.

Yarptamfenhin created Mount Everest nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarptamfenhin, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarptamfenhin, she will destroy your favourite star.

Yarptamfenhin's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Yarptamfenhin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity.

2. Do not kill manatees.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Run away if five tortoises approach from the west.

5. Never look in ponds.