Tifsinbaptaf is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, prudent seal.

Tifsinbaptaf created an electron six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tifsinbaptaf, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tifsinbaptaf, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tifsinbaptaf's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Tifsinbaptaf's Holy Commandments

1. Tifsinbaptaf loves horses, so they must be respected.

2. Never feed lots of gooseberries to goats while wearing green shirts.

3. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near gulls while wearing violet kilts.