Bab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, egotistical wolf.

Bab created the planet Jupiter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bab, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bab, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bab's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cherries to geese while wearing jumpers.

2. Always wear fawn.

3. Never hurt capybaras.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Do not take Bab's name in vain.