Gutyikhiv is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, tiresome human.

Gutyikhiv created vertebrates four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutyikhiv, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gutyikhiv, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Gutyikhiv's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Gutyikhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow hamsters to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Always remove trousers before touching zinc.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate rats.

4. Never touch water while tainted.

5. Snakes are not to be trusted.