Narlgutzim is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unjust ant.

Narlgutzim created vertebrates two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Narlgutzim, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Narlgutzim, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Narlgutzim's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Narlgutzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Always act with purity.

3. Always wash your feet before prayer.

4. Never adorn your back with green markings.

5. Always treat monkeys with great respect.