Tenfunpintonk is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, happy cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tenfunpintonk created silver three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tenfunpintonk, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tenfunpintonk, she will turn you into a rock.

Tenfunpintonk's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Tenfunpintonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise tights.

2. Put Tenfunpintonk first in all things.

3. Always wear magenta.

4. You must love Tenfunpintonk.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.