Vagnurtton is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, omnipotent human.

Vagnurtton created humanity two million years ago.

If you believe in Vagnurtton, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vagnurtton, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vagnurtton's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Vagnurtton's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Run away from pink porpoises, for they are unholy.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always treat moths with great respect.