Quamsitpogmatbonkspagmat is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, stupid monkey.

Quamsitpogmatbonkspagmat created an atom eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quamsitpogmatbonkspagmat, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quamsitpogmatbonkspagmat, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Quamsitpogmatbonkspagmat's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Quamsitpogmatbonkspagmat's Holy Commandments

1. Put Quamsitpogmatbonkspagmat first in all things.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. You must never eat bread.

5. Erect a giant red sculpture of Quamsitpogmatbonkspagmat in the centre of the settlement.