Jinsanxin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, merciless tapir.

Jinsanxin created the planet Jupiter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jinsanxin, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jinsanxin, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Jinsanxin's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Jinsanxin's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry seals.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never eat strawberries.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Ants are not to be trusted.