Lagabfon is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, unthinking tortoise.

Lagabfon created everything that exists four years ago.

If you believe in Lagabfon, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lagabfon, he will be mildly annoyed.

Lagabfon's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Lagabfon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not sprint in public.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lagabfon.

5. Always look after injured turtles.